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The Bad Donkey 5/10/2007
What if your donkey bit the leg off of my rooster, what would
happen?
You would have a foot of my cock in your ass....
0 Comments, 31 Views,
1 Votes
,2.40 Score
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TEN HUSBANDS 5/10/2007
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten
husbands.On their wedding night, she told her new husband,
"Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin.
What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that
be if you've been married ten times?
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he
kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in Software Services; he ...
1 Comments, 121 Views,
10 Votes
,3.19 Score
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Care to go upstairs? 5/10/2007
newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being
on their honeymoon.
"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband
asked.
"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors
will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper
thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in
code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left
the washing machine door open' instead?"
...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
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Grab A Burger 5/8/2007
I decided to grab a burger at a drive-thru. There were no
cars in sight, so I rolled up to the pay window. We're
still serving breakfast. And you have to order at the speaker,
the clerk scolded. I drove all the way around the bulding
to the squawk box and ordered a breakfast sandwich. I'm
sorry, she said, we are now serving lunch.
0 Comments, 108 Views,
6 Votes
,0.80 Score
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Keys 5/8/2007
First I had to work late. Then I discovered that I'd
locked my keys in the car. But the last straw was learning
that roadside service couldn't get a locksmith to
me for at least two hours. Finally the guy showed, looking
exhausted. As he struggled with my door, I joked. Do those
Slim Jim tools come in purse-size? Yeah, he muttered. They're
called keys.
0 Comments, 82 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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Laptop 5/8/2007
Problems with my laptop required calling the dreaded company
help line. The service rep, based in another country, did
not speak English very well. So I tried to explain it as simply
as possible. I can't get the computer to work. Ah, I
see he responded. You are unable to transport your computer
to your place of employment.
0 Comments, 74 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
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Bedtime Prayer 5/8/2007
Before i lay me down to sleep, i pray for a man thats not a creep.
One who is handsome, smart and strong, one whos willys thick
and long. One who'll make love til my bodys twitching...in
the hall, the loo, garden or kitchen.
I pray that this man will will love me til the end and never
attempt to shag my best friend.
And as i kneel and pray by my bed, i look at the wanker you ...
1 Comments, 102 Views,
6 Votes
,3.65 Score
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Just Fred. 5/7/2007
Just Fred
A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed
limit. He asks the man his name. "Fred, " he replies.
"Fred what?" the officer asks.
"Just Fred, " the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, doesn't smell alcohol,
and thinks he might just give the fellow a break and write
him out a warning instead of a ticket. So the officer ...
3 Comments, 143 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
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buds and baskets 5/7/2007
A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date
With this See-through blouse on and no bra. Her grandmother Just pitched a fit,
Telling her not to dare go out like that!
The tells her "Loosen up Grams. These are
Modern Times. You gotta let your rose buds show!"
and out She goes.
The next day the comes down stairs, and the ...
3 Comments, 204 Views,
12 Votes
,3.51 Score
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MY Happinesss 5/7/2007
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life..
1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home,
who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh
and smile.
3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust and
who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's ...
0 Comments, 94 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
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"Cute Containers" 5/7/2007
BIOLOGY MID-TERM
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking amid
term.
The last question was, "Name seven advantages of
Mothers Milk, " worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, who had partied the night before, was hard put to think of seven advantages.
He wrote:
1. It is perfect formula for the .
2. It provides immunity against ...
1 Comments, 103 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Luigi and Virginia!!!! 5/7/2007
Returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride
Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey
to say hello to his friends.
The barber, Giovanni, said, "Hey, Luigi, how wasa
da treep?" Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for
da train ride down." "Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.
"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central ...
0 Comments, 105 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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One Wish Genie 5/7/2007
A woman was walking along a deserted beach one day when she
saw an old bottle. She picked it up and while she was rubbing
the sand off, smoke arose from it and a genie appeared. The
amazed woman asked if she got 3 wishes. The genie said, "Nope,
sorry, 3-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one
wish genie. So...what'll it be?" The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle ...
3 Comments, 139 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
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RALPH & EDNA 5/7/2007
Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.
One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming
pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly
jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him
out.
When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's
heroic act she immediately ordered her to be ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
5 Votes
,5.10 Score
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Are you Kathlick? 5/7/2007
Three little Boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them.
They decided it was because they had not been Baptized and didn't go to Sunday School.
So they went to the nearest Church.
But, only the Janitor was there.
One little Boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will You baptize ...
3 Comments, 106 Views,
9 Votes
,3.85 Score
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A Good "Feel" 5/7/2007
A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She
spends $5, 000 and feels pretty good about the results.
On her way home, she stops at a newsstand to buy a newspaper.
Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't
mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 32, " is the reply.
"I'm exactly 47, " the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes ...
2 Comments, 143 Views,
8 Votes
,6.03 Score
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Man Think 5/6/2007
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other
day. I had not seen her in many years. We has such a great conversation; we lost track of time,
chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to enjoy
together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd
be interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that
"magic."
Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could ...
1 Comments, 108 Views,
0 Votes
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Wat Religion Is Your Bra? 5/5/2007
What Religion is Your Bra?
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's
and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, "I'd
like to buy a bra for my wife." " What type of bra?" asked the clerk. " Type?" inquires the man, "There's
more than one type? "Look around, " said the saleslady, as she
showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. ...
3 Comments, 185 Views,
15 Votes
,4.66 Score
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Irish Priest 5/5/2007
An Irish priest is transferred to Texas. Father O'Malley
rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas
mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to
get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle
of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.
The conversation went like this: ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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INSTALLING A HUSBAND 5/4/2007
INSTALLING A HUSBAND
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and
noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly
in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly
under Boyfriend 5.0
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable
programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 ...
4 Comments, 174 Views,
14 Votes
,6.34 Score
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Marriage 5/4/2007
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the
wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same ...
0 Comments, 124 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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tounge twister 5/3/2007
read to yourself and then say outloud quickly
One smart fellow he felt smart Two smart fellows they felt smart Three smart fellows they all felt smart.
enjoy !!!
1 Comments, 72 Views,
4 Votes
,2.08 Score
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cakes 5/3/2007
An elderly Welshman is on his deathbed. He can feel the end
isnt far off, when he suddenly notices a wonderful aroma.
He realises his loving wife of 60 years is baking his favourite
food...Welsh cakes.
He finds the strength to drag himself to the kitchen and
as he reaches his frail, withered hand up to the table, he
suddenly feels the whack of a wooden spoon as his wife barks
"fuck off ...
2 Comments, 143 Views,
15 Votes
,4.36 Score
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Someone steals a drunken man's car! 5/2/2007
A man walks out of a bar, stumbling back and forth with a key
in his hand. A cop on the beat sees him, and approaches, "Can
I help you, sir?"
"Yesssh! ssshomebody ssstole my car!" the
man replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time u saw
it?"
"It wasssh at the end of thisssh key!" the man
replies, logically, if a bit too literally.
About this time ...
1 Comments, 175 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
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at the zoo 5/2/2007
An elephant meets a camel at the zoo and asks "why have
you got tits on your back?"
The camel replies "thats rich coming from a fat fucker
with a dick on his face"
1 Comments, 124 Views,
8 Votes
,2.78 Score
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Walking the Dog 5/1/2007
A little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog
for a walk around the block?" Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat." "What's that mean?" asked the . "Go ask your father. I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad,
may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom,
but she said the was in heat and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over ...
4 Comments, 338 Views,
14 Votes
,6.34 Score
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Bumble Bee 5/1/2007
One day a young man and woman were in their bedroom making
love. All of a sudden a bumble bee entered the bedroom window.
As the young lady parted her legs the bee entered her vagina.
The woman started screaming "Oh my god, help me, there's
a bee in my vagina!" The husband immediately took
her to the local doctor and explained the situation.
The doctor thought for a moment and said "Hmm, ...
2 Comments, 117 Views,
7 Votes
,2.02 Score
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The Legless Parrot 5/1/2007
The Legless Parrot
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on
a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The
guy says aloud, "I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot replies, "I was born this way. I'm
a defective parrot."
"WOW!" the guy exclaims. "You actually
understood and answered me!"
"I got ...
0 Comments, 73 Views,
6 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Washing! 5/1/2007
Fred and Mary use a code for sex, the word is "washing
machine". That night in bed Fred whispers to Mary
"washing machine". Mary says "not tonight
dear im too tired".
10mins later she feels guilty and says to Fred "washing
machine". Fred replies "too late, it was only
a small load so i did it by hand"
3 Comments, 164 Views,
13 Votes
,5.16 Score
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HUSBAND WANTED 5/1/2007
A lonely widow, aged 70, decided that
is was time to get married again. She put an ad in the local
newspaper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED: MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's), MUST NOT BEAT ME, MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME, AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED! ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay,
she opened the door ...
1 Comments, 126 Views,
9 Votes
,4.28 Score
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