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Tenth Commandment ! 3/3/2007
A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, "Thou
shall not take the covers off the neighbor's wife."
0 Comments, 75 Views,
4 Votes
,3.63 Score
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christian home! 3/3/2007
After the christening of his baby brother in church, Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of
the car. His father asked him three times what was wrong. Finally,
the boy replied, "That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a christian
home, and I wanted to stay with you guys."
0 Comments, 55 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Forgive us! 3/3/2007
One particular four-year-old prayed, "And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those
who put trash in our baskets."
0 Comments, 29 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Deliver us! 3/3/2007
I had been teaching my three-year old , Caitlin,
the Lord's Prayer for several evenings at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each
word right up to the end of the prayer: "Lead us not
into temptation, " she prayed, "but deliver
us some E-mail.
0 Comments, 58 Views,
5 Votes
,3.14 Score
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Because! 3/3/2007
A Sunday school teacher asked her , as they were
on the way to church service, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
0 Comments, 45 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Hushers! 3/3/2007
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel
were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church."
"Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.
Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers."
0 Comments, 54 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Jesus! 3/3/2007
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5 and Ryan 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'"
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan,
you be Jesus!"
0 Comments, 40 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Back from heaven! 3/3/2007
A father was at the beach with his when the four-year-old ran up to him, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. "Daddy, what happened to him?" the asked.
"He died and went to Heaven, " the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said, "Did God throw him back down?"
0 Comments, 37 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
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Prayer! 3/3/2007
A wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to their six-year-old
and said, "Would you like to say the blessin "I wouldn't
know what to say, " the girl replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say, " the wife
answered. The bowed her head and said, "Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to
dinner?"
0 Comments, 47 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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Green Spots 3/3/2007
A woman goes to her doctor's office, afraid of the strange
development on the inside of her thighs. A green spot on
the inside of each.
They won't wash off, they won't scrape off, and
they seem to be getting worse.
The doctor assures her he'll get to the bottom of the
problem, and tells her not to worry until the tests come
back.
A few days later, the woman's ...
0 Comments, 89 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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The Cowboy Boots 3/2/2007
(Anyone who has ever dressed a will love this one!)
Did you hear about the Texas teacher who was helping one
of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots?
He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling
and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want
to go on. By the time they got the second boot on, she had worked
up a sweat. She almost cried when the little ...
0 Comments, 92 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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GAY ??? 3/1/2007
I'm in love with my , " the nervous man told his psychiatrist. "Nothing to worry about, " the psychiatrist
consoled. "Many people are fond of animals. As a matter
of fact, my wife and I have a that we are very attached
to."
"But, doctor, " continued the troubled patient,
"I feel ummm, ... *physically* attracted to my !"
"Hmmm, " the doctor asked, "Is it male
or female?"
"Female, of ...
0 Comments, 190 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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Hypnotist at the Senior Center 3/1/2007
It was entertainment night at the Senior Center and the
Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles
around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.
As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced,
"Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people
up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each
and every member of the audience."
The ...
0 Comments, 89 Views,
4 Votes
,2.86 Score
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Frog! 3/1/2007
There was this little boy about 12 years old walking down the sidewalk, dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him.
He came up to the doorstep of a house of ill repute, and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered it, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, "I want to have sex with one of the women inside. I have the money to buy it, and I'm not leaving ...
1 Comments, 131 Views,
8 Votes
,3.48 Score
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Let's jake a look at lil' John. 3/1/2007
I have somewhat of a problem with , its not that I’ve always
had this problem. For a time I actually enjoyed , and
let it be known that I still enjoy 2pac and Kanye West, not
to mention Outlandish, Jurassic 5 and Dilated peoples…
Saying this however, the first thing I said when I burst
into this world was not
“Excuse me good doctor, would you mind letting me ...
0 Comments, 61 Views,
2 Votes
,0.34 Score
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Your guide to surviving the impending zombie holocaust 3/1/2007
So, we all know that we’re going to die, yeah, sad as it is
we’re going to be pushing up daisies (providing our feet
haven’t been nailed to the perch). Or are we?
I have come across recent evidence from a very reliable
source (O.K, so there wasn’t a source, I made it up… But aren’t
I reliable? No? Oh, O.K) informing me that soon there shalt
be an ...
0 Comments, 39 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
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chicken farmer and a lady 2/28/2007
chicken farmer and a lady
A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman,
and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and
says, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne,
too!”
“What a coincidence, ” he said, “This is a special day for
me, I’m celebrating.”
“This is a special day for me, too, and ...
0 Comments, 147 Views,
11 Votes
,3.54 Score
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Sex in the Dark 2/28/2007
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.
Every time they made love the husband always insisted on
shutting off the light.
Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming,
romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked
down. and saw her ...
0 Comments, 176 Views,
13 Votes
,5.32 Score
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Naughty couple on plane 2/28/2007
Two voices; male and female; seated on a plane
“I think everyone’s asleep; lets go”
Sound of steps.
“This one’s empty … no one’s looking … you go in first”
“It a bit cramped - let me sit down”
“Have you got the condom?
“Quick, put it on”
Sniff sniff
“Ah ...
0 Comments, 163 Views,
12 Votes
,4.21 Score
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Ireland v England rugby 2/28/2007
A family of England rugby supporters head out one Saturday
shopping. While in JJB Sports, the picks up an Ireland
rugby shirt and says to his sister, "I've decided
I'm going to be a Ireland supporter and I would like
this shirt" The sister is outraged at this, promptly
whacks him round the head and says, "Go talk to your
mother."
Off goes the little lad, with Ireland shirt in hand and ...
0 Comments, 70 Views,
3 Votes
,2.94 Score
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Angelic revenge 2/28/2007
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female,
faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came
down from heaven.
“You’ve been such exemplary statues, ” he announced to
them, “That I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going
to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you
can do anything you want.” And ...
0 Comments, 82 Views,
8 Votes
,4.17 Score
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Wife and Mistress 2/28/2007
A Catholic husband and wife were having dinner at a very
fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman
comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed
kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who was that?”
“Oh, ”replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.” ...
0 Comments, 119 Views,
2 Votes
,1.73 Score
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Charles and Camilla 2/28/2007
As Camilla was making last minute preparations to walk
down the aisle, she found that her shoes were missing. She was forced to borrow
her sister's, which were a bit on the small side. When
the day's festivities were finally over, Charles and Camilla retired to their room,
right next door to the Queen's and Prince Phillip's. As soon as Charles and Camilla were inside their room, Camilla
flopped ...
0 Comments, 88 Views,
9 Votes
,4.49 Score
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long but funny 2/28/2007
Joe wanted to buy a motorcycle. He doesn't have much
luck, until, one day, he comes across a beautiful Honda Gold Wing with a for
sale sign on it The bike seems even more beautiful than a new one, although
it is 10 years old. It is shiny and in absolutely mint condition. He immediately buys it, and asks the seller how he kept it
in such great condition for 10 years. "Well, it's quite simple, ...
0 Comments, 83 Views,
7 Votes
,4.31 Score
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Naming Dogs! 2/27/2007
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired
two New dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde
responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was
named Timex. Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming
dogs like that?" "HELLLOOOOOOO......, " answered the blonde.
"They're watch dogs!"
0 Comments, 191 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Vaccum in her head! 2/27/2007
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her
turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &
Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and
someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
0 Comments, 59 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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At The Doctor's Office! 2/27/2007
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office
and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show
me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and
screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even
more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed
her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her
scream. The ...
0 Comments, 109 Views,
6 Votes
,3.93 Score
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RIVER WALK ! 2/27/2007
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river
and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!"
she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river
and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
0 Comments, 43 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
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Speeding Ticket! 2/27/2007
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her
very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your
act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and
then Today you expect me to show it to you!"
0 Comments, 55 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
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Car Trouble! 2/27/2007
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the
mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
0 Comments, 50 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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